I don't have a poem today. In fact, I've been writing, I just haven't been posting. I have other things in mind for my poems. However, I do have this to say. When God puts something on you to do or say, do it and say it. I am so torn up right now. My soul is very fragile and I don't know how long I will carry this feeling around on me.
Life has been very thick for me and my family for a while. It seemed as though I didn't know if I was coming or going. Sometimes, I felt like I just wanted to lay down and give up. Something just would let me let go. I sought counseling from people I trusted that was grounded in the Lord. There were also unsolicited opinions and recommendations. Some I held on to, others I let go because, let's be real, you just can't accept the advice from everyone. Not all have your best interest in hand. Some just want you to fail and be just as miserable as they are. I am thankful to my God that I have the discerning spirit most of the time. Yeah, some wolves in sheep's clothing tried to make through the gates, some have actually just about succeeded.
Anyways, let me get to my point. There was this lady, one of the Mothers of my church. I had my own initial thoughts of this lady when I first came into her presence. But these thoughts were not of my own. I failed and let other people's perception of her wrinkle what should have been my thoughts of her. I was told she was messy and kept chaos in the church. I was told she take your business to other people and sit and gossip, then come in church and sit in the pulpit like she was the innocent old minister of the church. Yes, she was a minister.
I
had the opportunity to have a little talk with this lady right before I had my baby. Maybe a couple of weeks. I must say that this lady had an abundance of knowledge and wisdom to pass on. I am so glad that I sat and listened. It was like she knew exactly what to tell me that was tailored to my situation. We sat and talked about a good hour after an extra service where we had a good ole southern cooked meal. I enjoyed her!
After I had my baby, there was a lot that I had to tend to, and having four other children, I really had no time to call anyone unless it was goal related. I got a message from someone in the church who had been helping me out. It was for me to call this lady. Everyday I made the point to call her but then I knew deep inside that I wouldn't because I was running from the fact that it felt like she was on my walls everywhere I go. She told it like it was and that was that. In a way she scared me and used that as my excuse to not call her.
I saw one Sunday, November 4th, after service but I was talking to another person and she had started talking to someone as well. When she was done, she scooted her walker along the aisle and left the church. I said I would catch her the next Sunday. She had some health issues that she'd been struggling with for a long time. In our conversation, she asked that I pray for her and she would pray for me too. And I only want people who know the word and can get a prayer to the Lord prating for me. You can't trust everyones prayer for you. I prayed the way I know best. Pray to God, in the name of Jesus; call your requests by name. Let your request be made known to the Lord. The one thing I prayed for was for this lady's body to made whole and for God take away her aches and pains. I asked that she not have walk around on her walker and have to depend on others to take care of her. Well, the Lord answered my prayers and I now these were her prayers as well. The Lord called her home during that week. The next Sunday, I learned she had passed!
If I only would have. I don't know what was in store. I do not like the fact that I was requested to do something and I didn't. Now, I will never get that opportunity back to get it right. I have, however, made a mental note that when if someone requests something me, I will take care of it immediately if I can and if not I will let them know. Even if I have to pray about it and make a future decision, I will let them know that is the status as of yet. I have hurt myself on the inside about this and will have to forgive myself for it and move on and not make this same mistake again.
Lord, I know Rev. Downs is resting in your bosom. I know she is free of aches and pains. I know she is not pushing her walker along with her. I know she is standing tall and gracefully. You have answered the prayers of the righteous according to your Will. Thank you.
~Scheryka
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